Doomsday Preppers – Too fat to prepare

ImageLike many people I am a little obsessed with the Nat Geo documentary ‘Doomsday Preppers’ which features families and individuals who are preparing for unlikely doomsday scenarios – largely by buying guns and canning tomatoes. Now, some of it I get. Being self sufficient and looking after yourself is all good but these people are just too lazy to survive the end of the world. They need to get themselves Herbifit 🙂

When (OK, IF, a big IF) society collapses the most important thing will not be the size of your arsenal or your pantry but of you Lactic Threshold. You are going to need to get running. There is a famous quote attributed to many people – so I am going to steal it.

“When the sun comes up in Africa the lion knows he must run faster than the slowest antelope or he will starve. The antelope wakes up and knows that he must run faster than the fastest lion or be eaten. No matter who you are, when the sun come up, you had better be running”.

Most of these Preppers ain’t running anywhere. Looking at them they are going to have a heart attack long before a pole shift, super-volcano or plague of Romneys. So, here I am to help.

The Herbifit Guide to Peparing for the End of the World/tomorrow

  1. Take up running – you always need to be able to move fast if you are going to survive. Not just the coming End Times but the coming bus.
  2. Go vegan – this will force you to cook new and exciting foods that will prolong your life and prepare you for years of picking radioactive bugs out of your sorrel.
  3. Get functionally fit – lift logs, break stones, hurdle walls. This will prepare you for just about anything life will throw at you and in the future may impress our alien overlords (OK, no one yet has Prepped for this, but there is always next week!)
  4. Sort out your cardio-vascular health – Heart disease is the number one killer in the West. Not meteor showers – heart disease. Prep for that fattie.

So there we have it. National Geographic – I await your call.

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7 thoughts on “Doomsday Preppers – Too fat to prepare

  1. Totally cracking up! You just made my day. I agree 100%- suck it up and get healthy or life is only going to get harder. And we are one of those people who keep stocked up in case of future disaster. Sharing this one with my hubby.

  2. Great post. Its so funny how so many people prep for the coming whatever, but never prep their own bodies. I suppose they believe should this whatever happen, they can instantly go from eating every three to four hours and snacks in between to maybe eating once every 48 hours.

    • Maybe that is it. Personally I think worrying about ones waistline doesn’t give the same sense of grandiosity as worrying about collapse. You can’t feel smarter than your neighbours snacking on an oat biscuit 😉

  3. Well written! So many of these fat slobs act like they’ll survive global pandemic or war, I don’t know how they survive walking up stairs. They have enough ammo to “hunt” for food but they fail to realize Big Macs don’t wander around in the wild!

  4. well being morbidly obese isn’t going to help any one an ex male friend told me this well i uh he cleared his throat plan to have a harem of women who do what ever i want i looked at him dude if shit hit’s the fan no one will survive including the roaming two legged bovines amongst us

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