How to get fat

I was never an especially fat kid. Crisps, sweets and chocolate were seen as treats to be had once in a while, dinners were usually homemade and well-balanced and like any kid I was active, out playing football in the park, on my bike or running around. It wasn’t until I became a teenager that things started to change. A paper-round and then Saturday jobs meant that I suddenly had money to make my own food choices and I chose junk :-) Chips, crisps, chocolate bars, all were cheap and delicious and I soon went from a normal looking kid to a chubby teen. This is the first lesson in how to get fat

Start making bad choices early

This continued through life at university. I worked part time in a cake shop – big mistake and also became less active. This had started a few years earlier when playing outside had been replaced with hours of Dungeons & Dragons (not that I can bring myself to

regret the time time spent exploring dungeons with my mates :-) ) and now that had been replaced with reading. I never really gave my body a second thought as it slowly grew, I was only interested in living in my mind. This is the second lesson in how to get fat

Believe that fitness is all about vanity

It wasn’t until I was leaving university that I really started thinking of myself as a ‘Fat Person’ and became aware that clothes didn’t  fit as well as they should, things bounced that shouldn’t and that I just didn’t feel comfortable. Things only got worse when I started teaching. Living on my own left me with little desire to cook and I would eat take out pizza with all the trimmings three nights a week and crisp and chocolates the other nights. If I ate breakfast and lunch it would be more chocolate bars, bags of crisps and energy drinks. Every so often I would eat some fruit or a bag of salad and convince myself that I was eating a healthy diet as well as all the rubbish. This is the third lesson in how to get fat

Think that eating some ‘healthy’ food soaks up the crap from all the other food you really live off.

I continued to grow in size and yet never really thought I had a problem, it just didn’t seem to matter. I had no idea how much I weighed and I am not sure it would have made a difference if I had known.Once I fell in love and got married things did start to change a little, I had a reason to cook again and started eating more balanced meals but I still avoided exercise and would still happily munch through a pizza or huge bag of crisps. It wasn’t until I had to be weighed for a medical exam that I realised how much damaged I had done to myself – 19st 4lb (270lb) I knew that I was overweight but I had no idea of what a healthy weight should be. This is the fourth lesson in how to get fat

Fail to recognise obesity when it is staring at you from the scales

It wasn’t for another year that I finally had the wake up call I needed. My school takes part in an annual charity walk. Two miles up a hill to the top of the South Downs and two miles back down again. We teachers walk with our pupils and a lovely day is had by all. I was still deluding myself that I was fairly fit and did a lot of walking (I have no idea looking back where this delusion came from, I did no walking if I could help it) and it came as a shock to be sweating like a pig and gasping for air all the way up. I felt terrible. This would be the fifth lesson in how to get fat

Ignore your body when it tells you something is wrong

Luckily I didn’t follow this lesson. I did something else



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